Seeking Sleep - Time for a Sabbatical

After much thought and prayer…and tears, I have decided to take a sabbatical from the blogging world and all of the other social networking that I am involved in daily. Simply put…I am one exhausted momma! We have solved Charlotte’s nursing/eating problems, her weight issues, and now we need to tackle her sleeping habits. The child simply refuses to sleep. She is just about 10 months old and has never slept more than about 2 consecutive hours. I will admit that I have caused this problem and so I need to take action now. We have tried several different things to try and get this child to sleep at night to no avail. Charlotte will go down for bed like a dream, but wakes up all throughout the night. The other night when I felt completely helpless I let her cry. She cried from 3am to 4am. I would go in and check on her every 10 minutes, but the cries got worse and louder to the point that our neighbors were banging on the wall! So, the next time someone says “oh let her cry, it won’t hurt her, she will eventually learn to go back to sleep”, I will simply scream! Both my husband and I were convicted about this method when we used it on Sofia, and we can see little things in her behavior that we believe stemmed from just letting her cry it out (negative things, not positive things). When I tried this method with Charlotte the other night, the next day was terrible. She was so clingy and whiny; I believe from being tired and from losing a certain amount of trust in her mommy.

(NOTE: I completely understand that the “cry it out method” (in all its various versions) works for some parents and they are comfortable with this method. So I am not saying that those parents who choose this method are wrong or bad)

What I am saying is that this method to me and my husband seems very insensitive and somewhat barbaric in light of what we know about God. When searching the scriptures we find that God always comes when we call or cry out for help. If God is my Heavenly Father and I can trust Him to come when I cry out for Him or call to Him for help, then how can I not do the very same for my own children? God has never left me to “cry it out”; He has always come when I called for Him. He wants me to “want” and “need” Him. Young babies cry, and they cry for a reason. My job is to do my best to figure out what it is they need and fulfill that need. My husband says that as parents we have the crucial duty of teaching our children about God; and responding to their cries is one of the very first ways we teach them to trust in the Lord. (Psalm 34:17, Joel 2:32, Acts 2:21, Romans 10:13)

As a first time mother with Sofia I literally didn’t have a clue what I was doing. In theory I knew that she should be sleeping a certain number of hours and eating a certain amount, but in practice things were much different. We listened to all the advice there was and we tried everything, but when it came down to it the best place to go was the scriptures. The Bible didn’t give us a detailed list of “what” to do in every situation, but it did outline for us God’s character and how He deals with us at times. He is long suffering and He does promise to help us when we call. With His children He is the ultimate Father. He does not get irritated because we have cried for Him for the millionth time. He doesn’t lose His “cool” with us when we have kept Him up all night. He doesn’t show impatience with us when we continue to call out to Him for help. In fact, He delights in helping us and wants us to depend on Him solely for all of our needs. We were not created to operate independently apart from God. I don’t believe that our children were created to be independent of us when they are little. They aren’t told to leave us until they marry, and then they are to cleave to their spouse (Gen 2:24 and Matt 19:5). Not once do we see mankind being designed to be completely independent or depend strictly on self; we see just the opposite all throughout scripture. God said that it was not good for Adam (man) to be alone and thus He created Eve (woman) to be his helpmeet (Gen 2:18). I don’t understand why anyone would think a baby/child is supposed to be completely autonomous, in light of scripture and how God designed mankind to operate. Babies and children were given parents not only to train them in the ways of the Lord, but to love, care and nurture them. God designed a woman to carry and bare children and then breastfeed them. He created a woman to be the one who nurtures the child and spend the most time with the baby as she was instructed to be the keeper of her home (Titus 2:5). The Proverbs 31 woman kept her lamp lit all night, and was there for her family both day and night.

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!" (Isaiah 49:15)

I have blogged many times (here, here, here, here) on the importance of relying on God, dying to self and that my rest comes from the Lord. It is amazing how even I forget my own words of advice and encouragement to other women. I am tired and would love a night of good long sleep…but it appears that this is simply not how life is going to be right now. I am learning to embrace this season of my life, no matter how sleep deprived I am, and rely solely on the Lord for the rest I need and the strength I need to not only manage my day, but to enjoy each and every minute with my children and my husband. Just because I am tired (as are many people in the world) does not give me an excuse to be cross with my husband or my children. I cannot defend myself when I have lashed out in a manner that does not please or honor God by simply saying “I am tired!” There were many times that Jesus was tired and hungry and was still able to maintain control of his emotions and thoughts. Paul knows my struggle yet he does not give me cause to believe that I at anytime have the right to act in a manner that does not bring honor and glory to Christ and my husband.

A few very close friends of mine (all Christian wives and mothers) have recommended a couple books for ways to teach a baby to go back to sleep should they wake up and not need to be fed or changed. “The No Cry Sleep Solution” by Elizabeth Pantley, “The Happiest Baby on the Block” by Dr. Harvey Karp, and “The Nighttime Parenting” book by Dr. William Sears. I am also reading Dr. William Sears’ book “The Complete Book of Christian Parenting and Child Care – A Medical and Moral Guide to Raising Happy, Healthy Children”, and Dr. Robert Sears’ “The Vaccine Book”. I am by no means endorsing these books as of yet, just merely doing more research and I happen to like their approach better than the “cry it out method” by Dr. Richard Ferber and other’s many variations of this method.

We are also seeking God’s wisdom in every aspect of raising our children and what we are finding is exactly what I described above. We do understand there are differences in opinion on this issue and many others, but we also believe the scriptures are sufficient in describing how God deals with His children and how that gives us a good reference point or guideline as to how we are to care for our children.

I will be stepping away from the blogging world for the time being. I simply must focus all of my attention and efforts on little miss Charlotte. This sabbatical is effective immediately and I cannot give a time frame for when I will return. I can assure you all that I will return; Lord willing. I may try to post updates on how our progress is going, but cannot guarantee that either.

I pray that regardless of my presence here in the blog-o-sphere that you all will continue serving God and YOUR family!

Serving God and Family,

Crystal <>< (SAHM)