Gentle and Quiet Spirit

“but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”

1 Peter 3:4 (ESV)

           

            On Sunday the ladies at church and I were discussing briefly about how we all long to have a “gentle and quiet spirit” as mentioned in 1 Peter 3:4.  This came up after comments about our physical bodies after having children.  I was so encouraged to hear that I am not in the company of other women competing to look like a model on the cover of some popular magazine.  The focus then shifted to encouraging one another to want what God wants; and that He is not focusing on the “baby belly” that many of us have but on the “inner beauty” that He finds most feminine and God honoring.  He is most glorified when His daughters find joy and delight in those things that bring Him glory and honor; qualities that reflect the beauty of His creation. 

 

            I was not created to draw attention or adoration to myself; either by way of being the social center of attention, or by my appearance through being too focused on clothes or hairstyles.  I was created to glorify the Lord Most High and this means that I should be content with how He made me.  I love the idea of wearing my “baby belly” as a proud badge of honor – I am a mother!  I have had three sweet babies whom I adore immensely; why should I be ashamed that my body bears witness to this?  Having a “gentle and quiet spirit” means that we are to not worry or allow ourselves to become caught up in things which draw our affections away from serving and loving the Lord.   

  

            I hope that in the weeks to come, I will have time to elaborate more of how the Lord is working in my life on this particular issue.  In the meantime, I pray that the Lord would search my heart and remove all of the things that are stumbling blocks for me.  I long to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord alone – being a helpmeet to my adoring husband, loving mother to my sweet darlings, and a faithful friend to those whom the Lord has given to me as friends. 

Soli Deo Gloria!

Serving God and My Family,

Crystal <><

Anxieties

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

I am not a “new mom”, as I have two other little ones running around, BUT, I do experience the “new mom” jitters or anxieties.  Over the past week anxiety about Malachi returning to work has become my constant companion.  I am prone to worrying and struggling with anxiety and have battled it since I was a young child, although over the years I have gotten better at managing it and communicating with my husband when I am becoming particularly overwhelmed by anxiety.  

After having Sofia nearly 5 years ago, I dealt with a pretty bad case of postpartum depression, and when Malachi went back to work the anxiety I felt about being alone with the new baby was very overwhelming.  Fast forward to when I had Charlotte 26 months later, I didn’t have time to worry about how I was feeling because I had just birthed a child with a heart condition.  So with Charlotte my focus was totally on her and not one ounce was on me, which is why I was in a zombie type state for the first year of Charlotte’s life.  Now here we are, with my sweet Ellie in the world, and everything is perfect; yet I still battle the same old anxieties about Malachi going back to work and leaving me here to care for three children.  It may sound silly to some to have moments of panic when the reality of the responsibility starts to bare down on one’s shoulders, but for me it causes much anxiety and worry.  

I take my role as a mother quite seriously, and it is the reason for many of the decisions Malachi and I make in regards to how our children will be raised.  We both feel more prepared and better equipped this time around at making our demands known and setting boundaries that we did not think to set before.  With this I think brings worry about how others, particularly family, will react to these new boundaries or methods for raising our children.  I am by no means a “people pleaser”, but I also don’t thrive on drama, and in fact abhor it.  So, not only do I battle the normal worries that are accompanied by the prospect of my husband going back to work, but I worry about other people as well…which in reality I understand is irrational because I cannot control how others respond to how Malachi and I live our lives.  

Lately I have been seeking the Lord more to help me with these feelings of anxiety, and the most common verse that comes to mind is the “be anxious for nothing” verse.  In fact, I am sure many of you as you read this are thinking of leaving that verse in the comment section as a way to encourage me.  However, today Isaiah 41:10 was brought to my attention:

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

I have read this verse a million times before, but never has it meant more to me than right now.  I know that when Malachi goes back to work on Tuesday I will more than likely have a bit of a meltdown, but even in that moment I know the Lord is with me.  Oh how silly we can be when our emotions try to take hold of our reality and cause us to see the world through distorted lenses.  My heart knows the Lord is with me, and that He alone is my strength, but oh how quickly that can be dismissed when I have crazy hormones running rampant which cause my emotions to get carried away.  It isn’t even Tuesday yet, and I am already fretting over how the day will go without my beloved husband here to support me through it.  

Adjustment.  No one likes it, and everyone struggles with it at some time or another.  Some manage better and adjust with ease, and others, like myself, struggle through it as though I were going to labor all over again…although my labor this time with Ellie was short and sweet.  Maybe my labor and delivery with her is an indication for how life will play out once Malachi is back at work and life brings our new “normal”?  I won’t know the answer to this until Tuesday. 

The fear of the unknown.  I think this is what captures most of what I worry about; the unknown.  How will I manage with two little ones running around and a nursing newborn?  Indeed I will manage like the women before me, by the strength of the Lord, but I know this in theory and not in practice at the moment.  I would guess that many mothers feel this way after having a new baby, regardless of the birth experience.  The anxieties and demands of the day, month, and year can often times prove to be extremely overwhelming, but in the end, all we can do is trust in the Lord and rely on Him with complete abandon.  He has determined our path and blessed us with these sweet children, and we must stand strong in the faith because our children’s souls are at stake.  

Putting things back into perspective.  As I write this blog, I am using it to get my thoughts out on how I am feeling which ultimately forces me to take the focus off of me and put it back on the Lord and the mission at hand.  My mission?  Raising a Godly seed for the glory of the Lord is my mission.  Often times this mission becomes clouded with pity parties that are ignited by my own pathologies.  I am thankful that the Lord uses those imperfections to prove Himself faithful in my life.  I am not alone, not even for a nanosecond.  I know that I have a supportive husband who will do everything in his power to help me make a smooth transition on Tuesday.  I also know the Lord will be with me throughout the day.  I know that it may be rough at first, but eventually the schedule will level out, and I will become acquainted with this new normal of having three little ones to care for while my husband is working.

My hope is that I will make the transition of Malachi going back to work gracefully, but I also know that it make take some time to get used to.  I pray that my husband and children will bear with me as I may have some weepy days of frustration with myself.  I pray that even in those times I see the joy in my days and praise the Lord for blessing me so.

Serving God and My Family,

Crystal <>< (SAHM)

Sewell Family Newsletter 2010 (Picture to come soon!)

Sewell Family Newsletter 2010

            We are so blessed to announce that the Lord has shown favor on us once more, and I am now in the second trimester!  This is our eighth pregnancy, and we couldn’t be more thrilled and humbled by yet another opportunity to care for and raise another arrow (Psalm 127:3-5) for the glory of the Lord.  As of today I can feel the baby moving as he or she is a very active little one.  The baby’s heart rate is a healthy 150bpm, and by all accounts everything is going well with this pregnancy.  

            We have changed hospitals and providers in an effort to help me have the natural birth I have always wanted.  I am really happy with the midwife that I have been seeing.  We recently learned that our medical insurance will cover 80% of a homebirth.  This came as great news for us because we have been hoping for a homebirth for a long time.  We are scheduling a meeting with the homebirth midwife soon, and if the ultrasound at 20 weeks goes well, then we are hoping to switch over and prepare ourselves for a homebirth!  Either way, I will not see an OBGYN unless complications arise, which as of now none are foreseen.  I have only gained 3 pounds so far, and that could be from the change in diet we made shortly before Malachi was laid off back in March.  We are now eating only organic or all natural foods, and we have cut back dramatically on the meat that we eat.  We are only consuming grass-fed beef, and we’re all taking an organic multivitamin and Vitamin D3 supplement to boost our immune systems.  

            Sofia is now 4 years old and Charlotte is 2 years old.  Time seems to be passing us by at lightning speed.  They are the best of friends, and yet at times the worst of enemies.  We are diligent to praise them for godly character and discipline for disobedience.  We have family worship every night, which includes singing some old hymns, scripture reading, and prayers.  Obviously because Sofia is older, she grasps the concepts we are teaching them and can articulate very well her understanding of what she has learned.  Homeschool is going well.  The past few weeks we’ve been taking a break in the midst of my fatigue, but training is 24/7, 365 days a year (Deut. 11:19).  We are so blessed that the Lord convicted us early on in our marriage before having children that homeschooling is the only option for our family in the midst of the secular humanism being taught in public schools.  We earnestly pray each day that the Lord would guide us through His word on instilling a Biblical worldview into our children.  We want our children to not only know what they believe, but why they believe and be fully equipped to defend their faith when the day comes that it is challenged (1 Peter 3:15).  Jesus tells us in Luke 6:40 that “A pupil is not above his teacher, but everyone, after being fully trained will be like his teacher”; this is paramount to the decision of us homeschooling our children.  

            The holidays are quickly approaching, even if the weather gives no indication of it.  Malachi is now working at Best Buy again, and just recently was promoted to doing “in-home” services.  This means that he is yet again driving the Geek Squad car.  As we all know, the world of retail gets extremely busy during the holidays, and we are not sure that Malachi will be permitted to travel for Thanksgiving. The plan as of now is that we will be staying at home for Thanksgiving, and I will be making a small supper for us all.  The day after Thanksgiving, known as “Black Friday” starts the retail madness.  December will mark the beginning of my third trimester and that means travel is even more out of the question.  

            In regards to the month of December, we know that it means many will begin to decorate and prepare for Christmas, however, our family will not.  Since Malachi and I were married we have been seeking to honor the Lord with everything we do, even the traditions we incorporate into our family.  When we first were married the one thing that we did not do during Christmas was set up a “Christmas Tree”.  For me personally, the Christmas tree had always been a symbol of where Santa Clause left gifts, and once becoming a Christian in 2004, this just struck me as something that didn’t fit into what Christmas was about.  Over the years, since having children, we began to feel the pressure to incorporate the Christmas tree into our tradition for our children’s sake.  We have heard various arguments for why Santa Clause is harmless, and how we are depriving our children of a tradition that is fun for them.  Because Malachi and I evaluate everything in light of scripture, the past year or so, we have begun to, once again reevaluate why we do what we do.  Christmas is one of the holidays that we not only investigated its origins, but went to God’s word to find out if it is consistent with all of the other things we are teaching our children.  After much prayer and searching God’s word, we have come to the conclusion that Christmas is not a holiday that we want to incorporate into our family’s traditions.  We realize this may come as a shock and many will be a bit bewildered at how a Christian family could possibly throw out “Christmas”.  Let me explain.

            First, December 25^th, before it was deemed “Christmas” was celebrated as the pagan holiday Saturnalia.  When Constantine arrived on the scene and started the Roman Catholic Church, in an effort to rid the pagan origins and some of the less than desirable celebrations of the holiday he claimed the day as a Christian holiday called “Christ Mass”, which is now known as Christmas.  While his efforts, to some may seem honorable, it began a tradition that we don’t see recorded in scripture, nor do we see the early Church celebrating.  I think many know that Christ was not born in December, and that three wise men did not visit Christ upon His birth.  

            Second, as time went on, different traditions of the pagan holiday were just transformed into something more appealing and acceptable to the Roman Catholic Church.  The Christmas tree is one of those things, as is caroling, and the giving of gifts.  All of these things were created in an effort to cover up the pagan celebrations that took place on December 25^th.  

            Third, later on the story of what we know as “Santa Clause” began as a legend of St. Nicolas, who in reality, we feel would be appalled at how he is being portrayed today.  The modern day Santa is an invention of the Coca Cola Company in an effort to boost sales of their product.  The image of an obese old man, who has been given attributes similar to that of the Lord, who sneaks into the houses of families across the world, flying through the air being pulled by flying reindeer, is what most children identify Christmas with, not Jesus Christ.  So it appears that we have come full circle.  December 25^th began as a pagan holiday, “Christianized” by Constantine, and is now pagan once again.  This should not surprise anyone.  The Bible never calls us to “Christianize” paganism in order to make it fit into our lives.  

            We are called to be a people set apart for the Lord (Romans 1:1 and John 17:14-19) and to be a “peculiar people” (Deut. 14:2) that do not conform to the world (Romans 12:2).  Malachi and I take the Word of the Lord very seriously, and that is why all that we believe, all that we do, and the traditions we incorporate into our family need to be based on scripture alone (Sola Scriptura) when they deal with religious themes.  We don’t want to perpetuate a tradition without being able to point our children to scripture as a defense for why we do what we do. So this year, and for the years to come, we have chosen to not incorporate Christmas into our family’s traditions.  We won’t be giving or receiving any gifts, and we won’t be decorating our home.  December 25^th will be a day like all other days, and we will use it, like all other days for the glory of the Lord.  We don’t need to set aside special days in order to give honor to the Lord, and we understand that this issue falls in the category of Christian liberty.  So, what we are NOT saying is that we feel those who incorporate Christmas as a way to celebrate the birth of Christ are sinning.  What we are saying is that for our family, and what our end goal is for our family, Christmas is not consistent with what we see in scripture as a means to achieve that goal (Romans 14).  The only celebrations or times of remembrances that we found in scripture that we are commanded to observe are the Lord’s Supper (See the Gospels) and believer’s baptism (Mark 16:16, Acts 2:38-39, and Acts 19:4).  

             We respectfully ask that no one send any Christmas gifts, and please do not be offended by the lack of gifts received from us.  We are using this time to reflect on the Lord and His word and what He is doing in our family.  This will be a time of sober reflection and evaluation of our lives and how to honor the Lord alone.  We are open to questions and welcome respectful conversation about our decision, with the understanding that we are appealing to scripture alone (Sola Scriptura) for our decision and not emotion or tradition.  We also encourage researching the origins of “Christmas” and not just take our word for it.  The internet is full of information and there are several articles written by theologians about this particular subject.  We are a Reformed Protestant family, and Christmas is traditionally a Roman Catholic holiday; which is just another reason we are choosing to abstain from celebrating it.  These are our personal convictions, and we understand that they may seem odd; however, we have a desire to do everything for the glory of the Lord, and never do anything that would bring shame to His name.

            We pray that whether or not you choose to celebrate Christmas that you will use each day to seek the Lord and His will according to scripture.  We are so excited about all the things the Lord has done in our lives and all that He continues to do.  We are honored that He would give us the children He has, and we pray that we will honor Him by bringing them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  Soli Deo Gloria! – ‘Glory to God alone’

By His Grace,

The Sewell Family <><

P.S. Miss Jasmine Baucham, in my humble opinion, has articulated the Christmas thing better than I can, so I am including the link to the Newsletter she contributed to through Voddie Baucham Ministries: http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs026/1102459509708/archive/1102807115791.html

Doing Good to Our Husbands

“…and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

This verse has come up several times recently, as has the issue of wives not respecting their husbands in the manner in which they speak about them when they are frustrated with something their husbands are or are not doing.  This is a pet peeve of mine, mostly because it is highly disrespectful to the husband being slandered, and he is not present to defend himself.  I am often reminded during times like this that there are always three sides to any story; the wife’s side, the husband’s side, and the truth. 

 

I am sure we all get a bit frustrated with something our husbands are doing or are not doing, however, we must be very careful and cautious how we speak about our husbands to other women (or men) in an effort to vent our frustrations.  The person we ultimately should be taking our concerns to is the Lord, as He is the only one who can search the heart and convict of sin.  There are times where a wife (or husband) may need to seek godly counsel on an issue, but even that should be carefully prayed about beforehand.  Our marriages are a sacred union that is supposed to be an earthly symbol of the relationship between Christ and the Church (His Bride).  Interestingly enough, God’s word tells us the operating order of the marital relationship in Ephesians 5:22-33.  We need to remember this order as it may be very helpful during times of frustration where it becomes easier to say and do things that dishonor our husbands, thus dishonoring ourselves and our families.  

Many times I think wives have this idea that everyone else’s marriage is perfect, and fall into coveting what other women have.  Scripture tells us quite clearly in Exodus 20:17 that we are not to covet anything that belongs to anyone else.  There are no perfect marriages.  Every marriage has its frustrations and things that need to be worked through.  As Christians we are constantly being conformed into the image of Christ, which leads me to believe no one is a perfect wife or husband.  We all sin daily, and we are all in need of God’s grace and mercy.  We need to keep this in mind when we begin finding fault with everything our husbands do or don’t do.  

One thing I think wives tend to forget is that we are the ones called to be the “keepers at home”, not our husbands.  So, if a husband doesn’t clean dishes or help out around the house, he is not necessarily sinning.  In most cases I think our husbands feel inadequate to help around the house because most of us wives (whether we will admit to it or not) have a certain way we like things, and often times we’ll follow our husbands around correcting everything they are not doing “our way”.  Or we simply get frustrated when we find that our husbands didn’t clean the kitchen or make the bed in the manner we like it done, and then we find ourselves asking why we asked for help in the first place.  

I believe that every woman has been tainted by feminism in one way or another.  This becomes very evident to me when wives (including myself) complain about their husbands not helping around the house, or more specifically not being able to read our minds on what we want done and how we want it done.  Getting frustrated with our husbands over issues as I have just mentioned are not sin issues in our husbands (or even character flaws) they are sin issues in us!  Often we demand or expect things of our husbands that they are not biblically required to do, nor do I believe they were created to think as we do when it comes to matters of managing the daily chores of a household.  If it were so, then God would never have created woman to be man’s helpmeet (Genesis 2:18).  Our husbands are our ministry according to Genesis 2:18, so we need to be very careful with what we demand of them and how we speak of them to other people when we are frustrated.  

My husband and I were talking about this issue last night, and he made a statement that I think rings true for most women, and I think it stems from the feminist movement and that is “Women think they are part of some “sisterhood” that allows them to complain about their husbands with other women without restraint”.  I think my husband’s observation hit the nail on the head.  As fallen women, the Lord tells us that our desire will be to lord over our husbands in an effort to control them, but that our husbands would be the ones ruling over us (Genesis 3:16).  The feminist movement has been tooting the horn that women are being oppressed by their male counterparts and thus we have ample reason to complain.  This mentality goes against everything the Lord tells us a wife should be.  

We are to love and respect our husbands (Ephesians 5).  Our husbands should be able to trust us with their honor and dignity (Proverbs 31:11).  When we tell other women, even those who we are close to, about all the faults our husbands have, we paint a less than honorable picture of our husbands which ultimately shames him and us.  This is surely not doing “good” to our husbands (Proverbs 31:12), which shows more evidence of our own selfishness, pride and sin than it does proving how uncharitable our husbands are to us.  Even in the case of an unbelieving spouse who does not have a desire to obey the Lord, the wife really needs to be careful with how she speaks of her husband, because how does she know that she won’t be the very one the Lord uses to bring salvation to her husband? (1 Corinthians 7:16).  If the believing spouse is constantly slandering her husband and airing all of his flaws and sins, then how is she being a godly helpmeet to him, especially given that she is not without sin?  

God is purposefully acting in our lives (Romans 8:28-29) and is not caught off guard by the situations we find ourselves in.  Our focus should always be on Him and not ourselves (Hebrews 12:1-2).  When we complain to others about the things that our husbands do that get on our nerves we are actually being very narcissistic, while slandering our husbands in the process.  If our husbands are sinning, then we should confront them AFTER much prayer, asking the Lord to guide us in confronting our husband through His word.  When the time comes to confront our husbands, we need to proceed in meekness with much humility and gentleness.  Mrs. Martha Peace gives some wonderful biblical advice in her book “The Excellent Wife” on how we should confront our husbands on sin issues: (p.42-44)

1.      We need to be sure to choose the right time. (Ecclesiastes 3:1,7)

2.      Make sure we are choosing the right words and not lashing out in anger and frustration. (Proverbs 15:28)

3.      We need to make sure that when we confront our husbands about a sin issue that we are also comforting to him as well. (Revelation 2:2-3)

4.      We need to be specific with what sin our husbands have committed and offer a biblical solution.  This is why we need to search the scriptures BEFORE confronting our husbands. (1 Thess. 5;18, Ephesians 4:25, Philippians 4:6, and James 1:19-20)

5.      We also need to remember to communicate a spirit of unconditional love.  No matter what sin our husbands have committed we need to show unconditional love for them, just as Christ shows towards us who belong to Him and have been given MUCH grace through His blood. (Romans 5:8)

We also need to remember that we are sinful and not perfect.  This means that our husbands have a duty to correct us as well, and how we respond to correction speaks very loudly about where our own hearts are.  “Even if your husband reproves you in an angry or unkind manner, you are still responsible before God for how you respond back” (Peace, 2005, p.45).  

One thing that every godly wife should be doing each day is praying for their husband.  I am not talking about praying that he would do things that make our lives easier!  If your husband is sinning and you have confronted him about the issue, and he continues in his sin, then you need to pray that the Lord would change His heart so that GOD will be glorified.  Either way we should be praying for our husbands.  Many of our husbands work out in the world and are constantly under attack from the enemy who seeks to destroy everything that the Lord has made good, especially our marriages.  We need to remember that many of our husbands labor very hard to provide for our needs, and even our wants.  God created woman to be a “helper suitable” for the man (Genesis 2:18).  We need to keep that in mind every day and ask ourselves “is what I am doing helping my husband or harming him?”  Slandering and complaining about the shortcomings or flaws in our husbands to others is most certainly NOT helping them, but is ultimately bringing harm to him and our families.  

Three books I recommend for wives who seek to the glorify the Lord in their marriages are “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace, “Passionate Housewives Desperate for God” by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald, and “Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother” by Carolyn Mahaney.  All of these books have helped me to understand the biblical role of a wife and while often times convicting, these ladies offer biblical evidence and support that have greatly encouraged me over the years.

I pray that each day you will pray that the Lord would search your heart and reveal and sin or ill will you may have towards your husband.  Ask the Lord to show you YOUR OWN short comings, and then repent of your sin.  Our husbands are our #1 ministry and we need to remember that our job is to do good to them, not harm them with slanderous words.  Soli Deo Gloria!

Serving God and My Family,

Crystal <>< (SAHM)