My Hope is In the Lord - Day After Surgery

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Good Morning, to my faithful readers; today is a new day. Today is yet another day to praise the Lord for His mercy, grace and kindness.

Yesterday evening I had surgery, a D&C to be specific. I went through the weekend and the process of miscarrying never took place. By Monday (yesterday), I was worried about getting an infection and my emotions were getting the best of me. I called my OB and we scheduled the surgery for 5pm last evening.

I labored (for lack of a better word, but seems appropriate still) over the decision to let the process happen naturally or go forward with the surgery. I had no plan as to how it would work out logistically. Malachi was at work, and who would watch the girls? Everyone that we thought of that could come and watch the girls, was either busy or ill. I had not cried about losing the baby since Friday, until after a split second decision to call my aunt, who lives 2 hours away. She answered the phone and just about the second I started asking her to come, the tears were flowing uncontrollably. For the first time in nearly 3 days it hit me. My baby is gone, and this will finalize the process.

My husband was able to come straight home. I began to straighten up the house, and explain to my daughters that I was about to have to leave to go back to the doctor’s office. Sofia, being the sweet and innocent child she is, looks at me with her amazingly gorgeous blue eyes and says “Mommy, you go to see the doctor?”, to which I say “Yes”. Sofia then says with excitement in her voice, “Mommy, the baby come back!?” ……………..

My heart fell from its natural place right into my stomach. I could not cry, because I didn’t want her to think that she made me sad, so I sweetly reminded her that “Baby Hope” is with Jesus and that is where the baby will stay forever.

In all of this, the Lord has continually reminded me of His Sovereignty over and in my life. I have two precious daughters, and a wonderful husband who loves the Lord, and will protect me with his life. I have a doctor who cares about me, who has a staff that ranks “perfect” in my humble opinion. I have an aunt, which even though we don’t talk or see each other often, came to my aid in a heartbeat. God made provision for all of my needs.

The surgery went better than I expected. The staff at the hospital were so caring, supportive, encouraging, and just plain old kind to me. My aunt continually made us all laugh, and when the time came for surgery, the doctor let me cry as long as I needed before putting me under anesthesia. The last two D&Cs I had done were in 2005 and in 2007, both were horrible experiences. I woke up in so much pain. This time, I woke up in absolutely NO pain, and when I realized it was over, the nurses stood right by me holding my hands as I cried. While the process was painful emotionally, physically I am thankful for the Grace God showed to me.

It is now the morning after the surgery and I feel fine. I have absolutely no pain and minimal bleeding. God’s grace is always sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9) God provided for every single one of my needs, and I am so undeserving. I will see my doctor in 3 weeks for a follow up. I am confident that all will be well then too.

We are still hoping in the Lord for many more children, Lord willing of course. God has blessed me with 7 children and I can’t even begin to put into words how honored I feel that He would choose me to mother such precious babies, even if I don’t ever get to hold them. I now have 5 little one in the arms of Jesus, and two precious ones here with me. If Sofia and Charlotte are the only ones I ever get to physically care for, I am content. Lord’s will be done, and not mine. If He chooses for His own purposes to give us children only to take them away while yet in the womb, then so be it. I will praise His name for He is good and just in all He does.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for our family. It truly has been a blessing to my soul to know so many of you care. The Sovereign Lord is my hope! (Psalm 71:5)

Serving God and My Family,

Crystal <><