Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

The loss of a loved one is always a painful experience. The loss of a child, in my opinion, is one of the hardest losses anyone can experience. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and specifically October 15^th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. This is a subject that is near and dear to my heart as I have suffered the loss of three children within the first trimester. I have heard several times that my losses don't count as the loss of a child, because I miscarried during the first trimester. However, if we believe that life begins at conception, then my loss is no less painful and heartbreaking as someone who lost their child at a later stage in pregnancy.

Malachi and I were just newly married and excited to begin a family together. We prayed each day that the Lord would see us fit to be parents of His creation. In March 2005 we found out that we were pregnant with our first child. The pregnancy seemed to be going well until one evening I noticed I was spotting. Malachi took me straight to the ER where we were told that the baby had no heartbeat. I was 10 weeks pregnant. This was just devastating to us. The next day I went in to see my OBGYN for further treatment. I was in so much pain and the bleeding was so heavy that I was on the verge of losing consciousness. The doctor performed an ultrasound and within seconds he began to panic and I was rushed to Same Day Surgery for an emergency D&C. Evidently that baby had passed away 2 or 3 weeks prior to when the bleeding occurred and my body was experiencing toxic shock. I recovered and Malachi and I began to talk about trying again to get pregnant.

We moved to Louisiana from Mississippi and were living with Malachi's mother and step-father when we became pregnant again. We were so very excited! We got pregnant during Katrina…because basically there was nothing else to do…but we soon lost the baby at 5 weeks gestation. This was another devastating blow to our hearts with the loss of another child. However, but the very next month (September 2005) we were pregnant again and Sofia Michelle was born 31 May 2006!

We felt so blessed to finally hold one of our babies in our arms. I did struggle with Post Partum shortly after having Sofia, but the Lord was faithful to pull me out of it. Malachi and I both still had a heart to have many more children and so we left the timing of our next child up to the Lord. By the time Sofia was 6 months old I was pregnant again! We were so excited! Other told us we were crazy for getting pregnant so soon after having Sofia. Last I heard it was the Lord who is the Author, Sustainer and Finisher of life, not me.

At 10 weeks pregnant (Jan 2007) I came down with a sinus infection and headed to my OBGYN to get an antibiotic to get rid of it. She decided to see if she could hear the baby's heartbeat and when she was unable to find it, she sent me for an ultrasound, but assured me that it was probably just because the baby was positioned a funny way. Malachi rushed to the hospital to be there for the ultrasound. Deep in our guts we knew that something wasn't right. When I saw the baby on the screen I knew immediately there was no heartbeat and that my baby had gone to be with Jesus. With this loss I became very angry. I just could not understand why this was happening to me. I wanted these babies, but yet they were being taken away from me one by one. After several months of grieving, I came to the knowledge that God can do what He wants, when He wants and how He wants with any aspect of my life because I belong to Him! I also decided to choose to believe that "ALL things work for the good of those who love the Christ Jesus and are called according to HIS purposes." I finally got on my face before the Lord and repented for even thinking that I somehow was in control of life and death and I graciously accepted whatever plan He had for me in all areas of my life, even if it meant going through another miscarriage. I knew the Lord gave me a desire to have many children, and so I decided to just trust Him with all of it. Now I have two precious babies, Sofia and Charlotte and hope to have many more. I am the proud and blessed mother of 5 glorious children. Three of my blessings have gone before me to be with Jesus and I will be reunited with them one day. Malachi and I plan to tell our "live" children all about their siblings in Heaven. It wasn't until recently did Malachi and I decide to actually give our sweet angels names. I think mostly because revisiting the memory of their losses is still hard for me. Although I have been healed, just like with other emotional scars, they are still sensitive when I pass over them.

To those who have experienced the loss of a child, whether during pregnancy or after, the Lord is AWESOME and we should praise Him when He gives and when He takes away. We have the hope that our little ones are with Jesus and that they are safe and waiting on us! How amazing that day will be, when we enter into His Kingdom greeted by our little ones! It will be the ULTIMATE family reunion.

To those who have never experienced this type of loss, I pray that you never do. I do pray that you will have compassion on those who have endured through the loss of a child and that you will share in their heartache. No matter when a parent losses a child, whether it be at 2 weeks gestation, 6 weeks gestation, 10 weeks gestation or any time during pregnancy, it is still a child lost. We need to acknowledge the life and passing of these precious children and praise the Lord that He is always in control!

 

This blog is in honor of my little ones that are now safe with Christ!

Aviv Sewell

Gone to be with Jesus 3 May 2005 (Aviv's is Hebrew for "Springtime")

Adiel Sewell

Gone to be with Jesus August 2005 (Adiel's name is Hebrew for "Ornament of God")

Liron Sewell

Gone to be with Jesus January 2007 (Liron's name is Hebrew for "Singing/Joy for me")

We were honored and blessed to be your Daddy and Mommy even if for only a moment!

We love you!

 

Serving God and My Family,

Crystal <>< (SAHM)