Survived

Well…barely!  Last week was Malachi’s first week back at work.  He took two weeks off after I had Ellie, and I so enjoyed that time; although it went by way too fast.  I blogged shortly before he went back to work about the anxiety I was battling, and even though I did everything I knew to do to prepare myself for his first day back, it was still met with tears and frustration.  Here’s how Malachi’s first day/week back at work went for me:

1) While Malachi was getting ready for work last Tuesday I was rocking and nursing Ellie in the recliner while the girls were running around like two crazy giggling hyenas, when out of now where our cat Penny came charging into the living room.  She jumped up on my chest and then pounced on Ellie’s face leaving a small claw mark on the side of her face.  Yes…I freaked out!  Ellie screamed (of course!) and I jumped up and yelled for Malachi to throw the cat outside; which he did.  I stood holding Ellie, crying, and spit firing angry.  Immediately both Sofia and Charlotte had meltdowns because we threw Penny outside.  Can we say drama!?  We had to explain to the girls that Penny can’t stay if she is going to hurt Ellie, whether it was intentional or not.  In the meantime, Penny was outside howling, and Malachi and I knew that was unacceptable too.  So he brought her back in and put her in the bathroom, where she stayed ALL day!  Needless to say I do not like Penny anymore and we are taking steps to find her a new home, OR take her to animal control.  I’m done with animals!

2) After Malachi left for work the entire rest of the day was like a train wreck.  The girls would not obey me, and Ellie wouldn’t let me put her down.  Sofia and Charlotte refused to nap, and with all their squealing and running around woke up Ellie many times. 

 

3) Ellie has thrush, which has made her a bit fussy and very gassy.  We’ve been treating it by treating me with extra garlic, extra probiotics, grapefruit seed extract and vinegar rinses after I nurse.  I did put the grapefruit seed extract (mixed with water) on Ellie’s tongue for about 4 days without any noticeable change.  I’ve also been putting a probiotic on me before nursing her in hopes that it will help stop the growth of the yeast in her body.  I’ve also cut out dairy and sugar from my diet which makes for a very “on edge” momma.  All I’ve had to eat for the past week are eggs for breakfast and chicken, rice and a veggie for lunch and supper.  No juice, no milk, no sugar!  I did switch to almond milk, and although I am still getting used to it, I like it.  We also found goat’s cheese and yogurt at Whole Foods which seems not to bother Ellie, and is actually really good. After talking with my midwife last night, her advice was “all things in moderation”, so I actually had bread last night!  I am still going to stay clear of dairy, and not go crazy over sugar for now, and pray that the thrush clears up soon.

4) My house is a complete disaster! The kitchen stays a mess.  Laundry is barely getting done, and the bathroom looks like, well, a gas station bathroom!  It is gross!  I finally washed my hair after a week of not being able to the other day…it was magical I tell ya!  We have thrown away three garbage bags of toys that the girls pull out and refuse to clean up.  Yes, there were more meltdowns!  

5) My sweet Charlotte is actually having a pretty rough time adjusting.  She has nightmares at night and wakes up screaming several times in the middle of the night.  She has a meltdown at the smallest things, and then gets angry that she is crying so keeps crying.

6) Sofia, we thought was adjusting well, but apparently she isn’t.  She is having horrible obedience issues, and does just about everything she can think of to antagonize Charlotte, which starts the crying all over again. 

I had several moments throughout the days last week where all I could do was sit and rock Ellie and cry.  There were moments of good during the week, but sadly I cannot remember them.  I am tired, which is to be expected, and a bit overwhelmed.  I feel 100 times better (physically) this time around than I did after having Sofia and Charlotte, so I really can’t complain about that part.  I am nowhere near as emotionally worn out as I was with Sofia and Charlotte, and for that I am grateful.  However, it is still hard for me to adjust to change, and I suspect with every child I will struggle with it.  My hope is in the Lord and without Him I know I wouldn’t have survived last week.  I did not make it through the week gracefully, but I did make it.  

This week, while it will come with its own challenges, I am determined for it to be better than last week; even if it is only a little better.  No one has come to visit yet to see Ellie, and we are sad that Malachi’s mother was unable to come because of the prices of an airline ticket.  I am thankful for my wonderful midwife who takes my panicking phone calls and is such a wonderful source of encouragement for me.  I am also so grateful to have a wonderful and supportive husband.  I can talk to him about anything and he too encourages me and comforts me when I am overwhelmed.  He had to come home early on Saturday because I literally could not handle Sofia and Charlotte anymore AND care for Ellie who was extremely fussy that day. 

So, while the adjusting continues, and the anxiety eases up a bit my hope still remains in the Lord.  I know that the days will get easier as we all settle into a new routine; when that routine is established.  Thanks to everyone who has kept me in prayer and who left encouraging comments for me.

Serving God and My Family,

Crystal <>< (SAHM)