He is Worthy to be Praised

My husband baptized me on my birthday in 2005!

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

 

There is not a day that passes that I don't think about this day. Four years ago today, out of desperation I took my life into my own hands. I cannot begin to find the best words to describe what my life was like then. It seems so foreign to me now, as if that "Crystal" never existed.

For the past 4 years, on this day I become very emotional. I do not become emotional because of what I did, but because of what the Lord did. He radically transformed my life in a way I did not deserve. I still do not deserve to be living and breathing.

Before I truly accepted Christ I paraded around like a heathen. I believed that saying the "sinner's prayer" and being baptized meant I was saved regardless how I lived my life. Without a radical change of heart and the way I lived my life, the only person that I deceived was myself. I may have deceived others as well, because there are still people who want to argue with me that I was saved…not sure how they would know that.

I can say with all honesty and confidence by what the Lord has revealed to me, that I surely was NOT saved at that point.

I do not know why He chose to save my life and soul that day. I only know that I am eternally grateful.

There are no words to describe how I am feeling on this day. The Lord has done an amazing work in me. I do not give credit to anyone else for where I am today but the Lord. He is my everything. He is the one who raised me from the dead and made me a new creature. He is the one who has cleansed my heart and soul and placed within me a desire to serve Him. The person who lived then has died. No one can appeal to that person or that part of my life to make a connection with me. No one else in my life can take any credit for the person I am today. No one taught me to love the Lord that way I do today but the Lord Himself. I was never taught to live by God's word and let Him rule over me. I was taught to make my life my own and watch out for "number one". I was taught that there are loop holes that we must go through in order to be successful. Honesty and purity were not virtues I was taught by seeing it lived out in the lives of others. I did not know what it meant to honor God with my "entire" life.

I don't remember a time in my life where I wasn't filled with fear and anxiety. I always felt alone and struggled to "fit in" and be accepted. I always felt like the black sheep in my family. I never felt secure and always feared that at any moment the bottom would fall out.

My husband and I were talking about my past and childhood not so long ago when I was writing a Reflective paper for my psychology class, and he asked me if I remembered anything good about my childhood. As I sat and thought about it, I honestly could not. Anything "good" was quickly spoiled by something horrible. I remember my 12^th birthday with my Great-grandmother. I stayed with her for the entire summer and the one night I spent away from her at my grandparent's house she died. That was the very first time I had experienced the death of someone I loved to a degree I just cannot put into words.

Throughout my life I have felt abandoned and have been abandoned. So, it is no surprise that I felt like a burden to others, worthless and unwanted.

Praise the Lord that He didn't see me through those lenses!

I have been made whole. I have been redeemed! I now know without a doubt what love is. I now know that there is nothing that can separate me from the love of Christ. I am no longer wondering aimlessly through this life with no hope. I know now that His word and the Holy Spirit is the guide for my life. I know now that feelings are deceiving and not to be ruled by them. I know now that compromise is not an option. I have been given a second chance at life, and it is meant to do the will of God, not the will of "Crystal". I will continue to follow the Lord with complete abandon. I will not be moved or swayed because I am standing on the solid Rock of Christ!

To God be all the Glory! He is the only reason I am the person I am today!

 

Serving God and My Family,

Crystal <>< (SAHM)